#12: How to teach behavior skills

In today’s episode, ADHD Parenting Coach, Siope Kinikini talks about how quality components are the strength of the Teaching-Family Model and how to teach behavior skills

We firmly believe that how to teach behavior skills is an individualized process. We want parents and families to find and use what works for them. What works for you to teach your child may not work for someone else. It’s okay to be flexible and to remember that you have the ability to make changes.

There are steps that parents as teachers can utilize when it comes to teaching behavior skills so that they get the desired result. Parents need to understand the elements of the Teaching-Family Model before they’re able to teach behavior skills to their child. As a parent, your job is to guide them and encourage them while showing them how to do it.

You are the expert for your child as you know your child the best and how you need to approach teaching behavior skills. You’ve been there through their highs and their lows.

Working with a young child is different than working with a teenager. The elements of the Teaching-Family Model allow you to make adjustments for age difference or when something isn’t working for your child.

Working with your ADHD child will require a different approach, but what you teach them will be the same. The quality component of being able to adjust to your child’s need is what will make you successful. When you adjust your teaching to your child’s need you are strengthening your relationship as your child will know that you’re concerned with them and their needs.

Part of teaching behavior skills is being aware of your approach. Are you using a pleasant voice? Are you being clear in your instructions? Are you giving simple enough instructions? You model the behavior you want in your child. If you want them to be calm, you need to be calm. If you want them to give you eye contact, you need to get down on their level and give them eye contact.

How to teach behavior skills isn’t as scary as you may think it is. We’ve seen other parents do this and have complete confidence that you can do it too!

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During this episode I’m talking about the fourth element that makes the Teaching-Family Model so effective. And that is quality components or how to teach these skills. This is episode 12, let’s get started.

Smarter Parenting welcomes you to our podcast series, the Parenting Coach for ADHD. Here to heal and elevate lies is your parenting coach Siope Kinikini.

Hi everybody, I am so grateful to be able to talk to you today about how to teach the skills, in an effective way for your child. Now starting off the bat I want to say that there is no cookie cutter way to teach these skills to your children. There are steps that we use that guide you along the way that are sure to help you get the desired result. However, there is an element that involves you being artistic or being an artist. That is the how do you teach this child the skill that you want to teach them so they can understand it and comprehend it, and that you include all the elements necessary to help them grasp this concept, right?

We’ve already talked about what you’re going to teach your children. There are specific skills that are on the Smarter Parenting website which include Effective Communication, Following Instructions, Preventive Teaching. I mean those all have very specific steps and you want to include those steps in your teaching with your children. The how, however, includes how are you delivering this? So, say I am teaching a child that is three years old. How am I going to approach this child based on my understanding of the child and their comprehension level, as opposed to teaching a teenager, who’s a little bit older? What quality components am I going to include in that interaction, right? So, how do I do that?

I adjust and I make adjustments. One of the great things about using this model is that the parent, or you, are the expert on your child. You may not feel like you’re the expert because you have a lot of questions and you’re unsure. But I want you to think about your child and what you know about your child. You’ve been there when your child has been sick. You’ve been there when your child has struggled with anything. You’ve been there in the ups and downs. You know what foods make them happy. You know what makes them sad. You’ve gathered all of this information about your child that you can leverage at this point to help you better understand what is the best way to teach, right?

I want to give you an example of the way that I have used this skill actually with my own child. In working with my child, I can teach her a skill like following instructions, and I did while she was very young. As she has gotten older and she’s wanted a little more independence that’s been fine, we still work on Following Instructions. However, I’ve tweaked it, as she’s gotten a little bit older in that my approach is maybe a little bit different. I’m sure that I include all the steps, but I may be a lot more engaging and interactive. Where as when she was younger, I was more

instructive and I just told her, “You need to do this, this, this, and this.” Now it’s “Okay, let’s sit down and talk about it and let’s work this out. This is what we’re going to do.” Right?

The idea of applying this artistic approach in the approach that you’re going to use with your child, is something that each parent has to figure out on their own. There is no way for me to come up and say. “This is exactly what you need to do with your child.” Because your child may be different, and their needs may be different. The way you work with an ADHD child compared to an autistic child, the approaches will vary, and they’ll differ. However, what you’re teaching will not change. You will just use the same steps, you’ll just find ways to do it.

I worked with a family where the child struggled verbally. So, what we did, we used art to draw out what the rules were or what the expectation was. And artistically, visually, they were able to grasp the concept. We taught all the steps and there was a picture for each of the steps to kind of help along. If that’s the way you need to do it, then that’s the way you’re going to do it. What is great about this is, that you can custom build something for your child. That may sound scary to some parents, and I get that. But I want you to think of the alternative, and the alternative is to give them something that doesn’t work. Give them something that’s not for them. As a parent, you definitely want to tailor things for your children. You want give them unique things. You want to provide them something that is very special to them, and they are special, right?

So, again, this is the fourth element. It’s quality components. It’s being sure you include all the steps and that you are aware of how you’re delivering this. That you’re doing it in a way that is effective for your child.

Now, one thing to be aware of that I just mentioned is, that you do need to be aware of how you are delivering that. Are you calm? Are you speaking at a good rate of speech? Are you being clear on your expectations? Are you being specific enough? Those are things that you have to gauge on your own as apparent to know, am I delivering this in a way that is comprehensive and understanding for my child to grasp, okay?

So, just be aware that these are all encompassed in this idea of quality components. We want to provide an experience and an opportunity for us to continue to build that relationship, which is the core focus of the Teaching-Family Model. We want to build those relationships and strengthen those relationships by the way and how we interact and teach our children. Right?

Those are some of the thoughts that I have, in regards to how to effectively engage with your child. Being aware of your own responses and how you’re responding to your child. Remaining calm. Modeling the behavior that you want them to have, which means that you need to be what you want them to be, is absolutely, essential in this step. Be very aware of the way you present yourself, and how you present yourself and how you’re teaching it, so your children can grasp those concepts and use them effectively.

So that’s it for me actually. It’s kind of a short, short discussion. Short talk about this, but I just wanted to drive that home. The importance of the artistic side of it for you as a parent in customizing what it is that we are doing in order to teach these concepts.

Now, if you’ve found this helpful, then please share it with another parent or another friend or family who could use this information. Also, share and subscribe to our podcast, and we can be found pretty much anywhere online. And visit the Smarter Parenting website, because there are a lot of resources on there that teach skills and that will help you and your child build that relationship.

That’s it for me, and I will be back again next week. So have a good one, and I look forward to talking to you again.

For more information on the Teaching-Family Model check out the following resources:

What is the Teaching-Family Model

The Teaching-Family Model 

Our Teaching-Family Model family

The Teaching-Family Association

© Smarter Parenting 2019