— Podcast

Ep #151: Feeling judged as a parent


Are you feeling judged as a parent? In fact, many parents feel judgment when it comes to how they are parenting.

Join Parenting Coaches Siope Kinikini and Kimber Petersons as they talk about why parents are feeling judged and what they can do about it.

We are all going to receive judgment about our parenting. Someone is going to think we are doing too much or not enough. The goal is to be able to receive that judgment and determine if it applies to you.

As the parent, you know your child and what they need best. What has worked for another child or another family may not work with yours. That is okay. That’s how it should be. The most effective parenting happens when parents can adapt to the individualized needs of their children.

Often when we receive criticism or suggestions on parenting, it can be challenging to hear and causes us to get defensive or dismiss the advice.

The skill of Observe and Describe helps us stay grounded. Instead of getting all frustrated or upset, we can recognize how we are feeling, which allows our brain time to process what was said and how it made us feel.

We love how Observe and Describe can help us work through the internal dialogue that we may be having about situations. For example, if you’ve ever taken a young child to the store late at night, you know that people are often formulating judgments in their mind. With Observe and Describe you can remind yourself, “I know this person is looking at me and making a judgment about me bring my child to the store, and this makes me feel anxious. They don’t know that I spilled the formula container, and there is no longer formula for their nighttime feeding. Keeping my child feed is more important to me than feeling anxious about what someone thinks.”

The great thing about Observe and Describe is that it is a skill that can be done anywhere and doesn’t need any special tools. 

Parents, you’re doing a good job! Hang in there. You’ve got this!

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Podcast Transcript

The transcript text is below. You can also download the PDF file of the transcript here.

Feeling Judged as a Parent (Finding Grace)

Three specific topics I want to be sure we cover.
1. Why is parenting surrounded by so much judgment?
2. How to recognize unhealthy systems.
3. The skill of Observe and Describe

Goal: To help parents have grace for themselves and to work through the feelings of
being judged by others.

Why is parenting surrounded by so much judgment?

A website ZeroToThree asked about judgment and parenting and reported that almost all parents feel judged, almost all the time. Our Tuning In survey showed that nearly 9 in 10 parents across the board feel judged (90% moms and 85% dads), and almost half say they feel judged all the time or nearly all the time (46% moms; 45% dads).

How to recognize unhealthy systems.

Proactive look at society, expectations, social media helps define safety in many ways. Parent
expectations can be very hard. Accepting we make mistakes in the process.

Observe and Describe

(Kimber with her own child)